12 years
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I was told by a friend today to “find my happy” but I don’t think it exists. It isn’t that I don’t believe that there is something or someone out there that could really and truly help to make me happy, it’s simply that I hate myself far to much to ever let myself see it even if it were right in front of my face. I feel that I have no value so how could anyone find value in me? With myself being blinded by hate and self loathing so as to not being able to see joy and happiness in front of me, does it really exist? I can’t see it, hear it, feel it, smell it, taste it (or, rather, won’t allow myself to do so) so as far as I am concerned, it isn’t real. and this is how I go through my life, day by day.

Now, for the really damning part of it: It is my fault.

New Confession

I was 14 for my first television show and on the side stage before going on camera one day the producer’s son that was 8 years old came up to me dragged up a chair and started hugging me and kissing me for righteously and started massaging my d*** and continued until it ejaculated and then he put my hand on his d*** which was very hard and then moved my hand up and down and I gave him a throbbing o***** as well we continue that for the rest of our lives and moved to Italy when he was 14 and got married I’m 20 years later we would not have it any other way but the point of this message is he chose that at 8 years old and it’s not regretted a moment of it and neither have I when we spent the night together he enjoyed f****** me and became one of the smartest people in his class…… He would spend the night with me on a night before filming and then later I stayed in his suite at his home and he began f****** me at 9 years old and had the most beautiful sounds of ecstasy his mother would come in and say you boys don’t stay up too late now as his d*** was throbbing in me….. After we were together about 6 months he had two other brothers and he said could we help them have o***** so he let them f****** as they had no one to give them o*****…… They were so incredibly beautiful …. Robbie showed them how to f****** from the rear and how to lubricate the p**** and they watched until they completed o***** and then the next one took his turn while the other two stood by with hard dicks throbbing even though they had just completed f****** me they both kissed my heart throbbing d*** as they went back to their own rooms Robbie took care of my d*** after they left and drank everything and became a part of me later with his first e********** as he was f****** me I became a part of him through The years our passion and love for each other have never stopped that is why I cannot identify with the control people want to have over what boys do with their d*** and who they can give it to and what they can do with it it’s a part of who they are it helps them become who they are meant to be

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