14 years
x
351 Views

Here it is.
It’s has been 1 month that I’m with my Joey. I hate to say this but we’re very different in the social rank. But who cares! I liked him for who he is. When I am with him I’m happy.
He’s an amazing guy. Very ambitious and very responsible.
The past has made him a very tough guy even emotionally.
He never said he loves me and still I’m not asking for that… But I’m scared.. I don’t feel myself in security…
I don’t want to give more than I receive.
And most of all, I’m afraid I’m with him just because I really want to help him get out of his mess and show him that life is simple, and wonderful.
But how can I do that, if he thinks way too much and complicate things and make me think with him.
1 month, I can’t leave him because that wouldn’t help him at all… instead of helping him I’ll be making his situation much worse.
Last time we were together, I was in his arms, and he was amazing but I don’t know if it’s me or I didn’t felt that we were right for each other, or maybe I was just afraid that he doesn’t love me. 10 min later, I feel the complete opposite and for the first time I tell him “I love you”. (And btw, he didn’t reply, he just kissed me – no big deal anw -)
Because of him, I think way too much. I’ve never been like that.
I don’t know what I want anymore or even what to do.
One day he’s this amazing guy who makes me live a fairytale and open the door to me every time I want to get in the car, the next day if I slept suddenly and I was so exhausted at 11 and didn’t say good night, he’s the guy that doesn’t speak to me and go to sleep at 3 am without even saying a word to his girlfriend.
I really really don’t know where I am, I don’t know what to do.
And still, this is the light version of everything that is in my head.

– No signature this time –

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

Related Confessions