My depression this week has been so great, I’ve had suicidal thoughts, but I am so ashamed of myself that I didn’t tell anyone. I just grew angrier and angrier when they weren’t able to magically know something was wrong, that i am now blaming them for not being there for me, when in reality, I am the problem. I wish I could be rational, but now I just want to never see these friends again. I feel all my human relationships circling the drain this way. I get upset, can’t get help or ask for it, get angry, shut people out. I wonder how I will survive the next few years.