I play games with people and I don’t mean to. I don’t feel badly for it either, even though I probably should. I just want to have friends, or at least people I can trust but it seems the only way to do that is to create a facade.

If they had any idea that I’m simply feigning interest and appearing to be polite, I know they wouldn’t want anything to do with me….which is why I keep doing it.

So now, what they see me as is a complete lie. I would rather them know who I am instead of constantly having to remind myself of who truly knows me and who doesn’t, simply because it is a hassle to try and remember who cares and who doesn’t.

I should have been honest to start with and just remained alone.