I'm scared of who I am. I know I'm not a very mentally stable person - it annoys me when people self-diagnose themselves, but I guess I'm kind of manic

12 years

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I’m scared of who I am.

I know I’m not a very mentally stable person – it annoys me when people self-diagnose themselves, but I guess I’m kind of manic depressive/bi-polar. I’m weird. I don’t feel like I am a person. I cry when people give me presents because I feel like I’m not worth it, but I project confidence in lectures. My girlfriend is abusive, but I just want to be able to love someone. I don’t know if my mother leaving home has caused some of this, but I’m just weird. I’m a s***** deviant, I hate celebrities, I don’t even think this makes sense, certainly just a load of random stuff put together. I don’t know what will happen to me – I’ve already started getting rejections from universities. I’m not sure if I am going to kill myself at some point or something, or if I’m putting this on to even myself. I don’t even know. In an attempt to be one of the other people I feel as if what I really think and feel, who I really am, is really isolated – my life is a performance, perhaps this is true for everyone.

New Confession

I fucked up my life i wish i never ended up the way i am its all my fault i keep trying to find excuses but there’s people in situations worse than me that still studied and tried doing well while i was just a lil stupid b**** all throughout school. I’m only 17 now but there’s no hope all bc i didn’t study at 14, i hate romania i wish my whole life wasn’t dedicated to how well i did at 14. But it’s also my fault even tho i got into a s***** highschool i could’ve at least studied and not missed so many days but now it’s over i wanted to transfer to other schools but no school will accept me and that’s profesionala schools that are basically for dumb people that didn’t have a good grade in the 8th grade national exam and just do practice so they won’t go to university after highschool just to a job, so let alone a
normal high school accepting me. I wanted to get better but nvm apparently i can’t, At 14 i didn’t care bc i thought i was gna endmyself at 20 and now i can’t change anything

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There’s this one chick in my group of friends who everyone loves. They do her work, they pamper her, they hang out with her, and it pisses me off because I’m the only one who knows she SA’d one of her exes. She’s such a s***, dresses for attention and is overall a pick me. It pisses me off because these are the only friends I’ve managed to make because of my social anxiety and I don’t want to ruin anything and be lonely again. Im still lonely, I have a feeling deep down no one cares for who I am or my opinions.