I think I might have an anxiety disorder and possibly depression. I may have had a panic attack this morning before school, I started crying (for no

12 years

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I think I might have an anxiety disorder and possibly depression. I may have had a panic attack this morning before school, I started crying (for no reason) I was shaking, my heart was beating hella f****** fast, I had chills, shortness of breath, my throat closed up, this went on for about twenty minutes (at least the crying and beating heart) even when I was sitting outside the school in my moms car I was sobbing, so she took me back home, and yeah. I know one (possible) panic attack doesn’t mean I have an anxiety disorder, but when I looked up some symptoms for it, a lot of them fit into my every day life. Same with depression, although I’ve been monitoring that for a couple years. These past weeks (and longer, but I’ve been noticing it more lately) I just feel so tired on so many different levels. Like I’ve been all used up. Im a freshman in high school, all honors, but really I shouldnt be having this much trouble or even really worrying this much. My grades are fine, but I just feel like I’m slipping. Last year I started drinking. Like, every weekend, and alcoholism runs in my family. But I haven’t done that in a while, and I don’t plan on it anytime soon. I also cut myself during that time, even thought I knew it was stupid and selfish, but whatever, I was a f****** moron. But I started smoking pot this year, not much, and only three times, so I don’t think that has anything to do with it. But I just feel like a p************, my best friend has tried to f****** kill herself, and I wasnt there for her. Shes going to therapy and taking a s*** ton of antidepressants among other things. And f***. I just feel so tired all the f****** time, I feel like I cant do anything, like my friends dont care about me, like Im a disappointment to my parents. I’ve only told one person some of this (my bestfriend) but I dont really like to talk about it. Even when I want to I feel like I cant, I dont want to bother or worry anyone. But I feel like I should tell my mom, its possible this is all nothing, but I dont want to live half of my life with a mental condition and not get help until its too late and I’ve already forgotten who I was before. But I really dont want to hurt my mom, or even talk to her about it. I cant do that, but I know if I tell her, she’ll want to talk about it, which is understandable. I just wish somebody could tell me what I need to do. But whatever. Thanks for letting me vent, sorry for spelling errors.

New Confession

I fucked up my life i wish i never ended up the way i am its all my fault i keep trying to find excuses but there’s people in situations worse than me that still studied and tried doing well while i was just a lil stupid b**** all throughout school. I’m only 17 now but there’s no hope all bc i didn’t study at 14, i hate romania i wish my whole life wasn’t dedicated to how well i did at 14. But it’s also my fault even tho i got into a s***** highschool i could’ve at least studied and not missed so many days but now it’s over i wanted to transfer to other schools but no school will accept me and that’s profesionala schools that are basically for dumb people that didn’t have a good grade in the 8th grade national exam and just do practice so they won’t go to university after highschool just to a job, so let alone a
normal high school accepting me. I wanted to get better but nvm apparently i can’t, At 14 i didn’t care bc i thought i was gna endmyself at 20 and now i can’t change anything

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There’s this one chick in my group of friends who everyone loves. They do her work, they pamper her, they hang out with her, and it pisses me off because I’m the only one who knows she SA’d one of her exes. She’s such a s***, dresses for attention and is overall a pick me. It pisses me off because these are the only friends I’ve managed to make because of my social anxiety and I don’t want to ruin anything and be lonely again. Im still lonely, I have a feeling deep down no one cares for who I am or my opinions.