I hate my life, I deal with insecurity everyday. I just can’t find self acceptance. I am and feel fake. I hate living, I see no point. I try to get as much help as possible, although I do not cry. I only cry when I see other cry. I have no tears left in me. Maybe it’s my harmonies? But it couldn’t be. This has been going on for so long. I can’t not even remember the last time I was really happy. I just remember all the depressing moments in my life. All of them. Even the ones I wish not to remember, they hit me hard… I get the flash backs so often. It frightens me… I’ve tried suicide many times. But the attempts weren’t good enough, I am still here. I guess I just can’t risk anything just yet. I can’t handle all the changes its terrifying. Sometimes I wonder.. how do I even coop with this stuff? I write and write about it till my hand starts to get sore. I don’t cry anymore… my eyes always feel dry. Maybe I have no soul? But if I had no soul then how do I have these depressing emotions inside of me? I don’t know what to think anymore. I hate everything. I just want everything to end. My friend tells me I would be selfish to do serious self harm, I don’t think it would be selfish, I think it would lift the stress off of some people. The people who always listen to what I go through.. Do they enjoy listening to my life stories? Do they care? Do they feel sympathy when I tell them? Or do they just not listen . As loud as I try to get people to hear me out, they never seem to do anything? I’ve had enough of all the counselling it’s not helping. I’ve seen so many counsellors in my life that pretty much half the population in this world knows my life story . Sometimes I wonder, can things get better? They never do. And I keep wondering and wondering till something good actually happens.. but then it just gets worse and worse after it gets a tiny bit better. is this a sign or something? Am I missing something? Or is this how life is supposed to be? Depressing.. and stupid? Because that’s how it’s like for me. And I know it will stay like that. Coming down to the basics of my life? Severe life threatening allergies, bullying, teasing, insecurity, I’ve lost all hope and faith. What and Who can I turn to? Exactly, no one. Because they won’t know how or what to do to help me. Maybe I should just stop trying. Just lay myself down to die. I just… maybe… will.