This weekend I was scrolling through Tumblr and I read a suicide note posted by a young guy living in Sweden. His name is/was Charlie. I didn’t know him, I’m never going to know this guy, but when I read his note I started to panic and cry to the point where I just couldn’t breath.
Here is this person who’s life I know nothing about, and I’m more devastated by that thought that he’d never going to smile again then I have been about any pain my family member, soldiers, or victims of natural disaster have ever gone through.
I can’t stop thinking about this guy or his note, and ever time I do I get the cold hatred for the world in the pit of my stomach. He was miserable, so many people are living in mental misery and fear and I f****** can’t do anything to fix it! I hate this. And I hate that I know he’d gone and I hate that he posted it on Tumblr everyone to see and I hate that I couldn’t fly to Sweden to find this kid who’s near my age and somehow make the misery in his life go away. And I hate that I care. And I hate that I might forget him a year from now and that I don’t want to forget this boy. I don’t want to forget this person that I didn’t know.
He mattered, he had to matter, he had to matter to freaking someone outside an online freaking stranger who didn’t even message him to say how cool his artwork was. I don’t want to forget him, and I want someone outside of me to care that he’s gone.
And I want to be able to breath again, but I don’t know if I can breath normally and remember this guy at the same time.