I tried finding a way out of life by walking naked in the street, drunk, with a machette. Plan was to find and attack people, wait for police, attack them, and just see what happes. Nothing did, I walked around my area and there was nobody, I stayed till I sobered up and just got cold. Then i started dating my friend of four years, she’s so perfect. She has no idea of my problems in my head, im really good at hiding how I feel, and this is the problem. we don’t talk much right now, still going out, we even spoke of marriage. is this what life f****** is? i cannot describe how i feel inside….i have nobody in the world to talk to, she was the only one, and now i cant tell her anything because we are in this serious relationship. i don’t see life progressing, and i feel so utterly miserable. i put on a mask. sometimes im the big guy, sometimes im the p************. but no matter what, i always listen and help others with their problems, i seem to give good advice, but theres no one to me, i have feelings too. You won’t believe me when i tell you how great the feeling is when you think you are about to die by your own free will, you feel like exactly like you graduated school but came back to visit old friends who are still in there. In this s***** place, but free to hang around if you wish. The smallest things seemed like a pirvelage, and i enjoyed life again for a while. someone f****** help me im in so much pain. dont even know why im writing it here….im a sociopathic miserable rat.