I’m terrified my gf of 5 and a half years is cheating on me.

She got a cellphone recently though I told her we can’t afford one. She decided to get it “under her moms plan” but I think she still pays it because we got the bill for it.

She started jumping to the conclusion that I was accusing her of cheating when I asked her to show me what her phone could do and if I could see it. I honestly was just interested in the tech but from then on out, she would hang up on calls when she heard me coming in the room, exit out of her text app when I leaned in for a kiss.

There were texts from a now found out ex that contained him saying “baby” and I asked her to ask him to stop with the baby talk. She said she did afterwords. I saw more texts later, still the same thing. She told me she told him not to text her anymore. And then said she blocked him.

We got in a couple fights over the phone and how her behaviour has made me feel. She went home for a week and was ready to leave me but I begged her back. She came back.

I came home from work once after and she wasn’t home. I got changed and stuff. 10 minutes after I did, she came in. Said she was outside smoking up with a guy co-worker.
I asked why she didn’t wave at me or hollar to me, she said she was talking and finishing the bowl. And that she stayed to have a cigarette. Also, she was acting like she was cracked out or something that night. Shaking and mood swings galore.

Later on I found more texts from that guy that was saying baby and stuff from before. She said his number is blocked but texts still go through. He was still calling her baby and because she deleted every text, it looked like he was talking incoherently to nobody.

We fought the other day because she needed to go to town and I had wanted to go with her since I needed to go anyways. She insisted she wanted alone time and I promised she could have it that night if she liked but I needed to go to town. She pulled out the big guns with “you can’t respect that I want alone time? It’s over”

We talked it out and stayed together.

But now the final thing. The other day I went for a walk to pick up merchandise. I asked to take her phone so I could text my meet along the way since our usual spots were snowed in. She relented but insisted I get ready first (which took 2 seconds to put my jacket on)
On the walk, guess who I see a text from? That’s right, buddy from earlier. “Hey baby I’m at work, are you ok?”
I got into a text war with him while walking. First he insisted that I texted him first. That he doesn’t know *******(girlfriends full first name) though I said ****(girlfriends nickname). Then was calling her a s*** and saying we can both go die and she must have told me some stories and that she was going to meet him. That it’s probably just my girlfriend texting him pretending to be a dude, and that he’d call. I shrugged it off as it seemed like nonsense but something erks me that maybe he was confused and enraged. That maybe she told him not to text until she did.

I just really feel like she’s not trying. Every bank she’s been with, they “screw her over” and either she can’t access money for bills or its gone due to fees. She never does the cleaning I ask her to do though I’ve had an injured neck and still worked almost overtime for the past few months and she’s worked maybe 2 days a week. I’m home late because I help close.

I don’t know what to do. Is it over? How can I just walk away? I can’t afford to live on my own either. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, to this life, my sanity, her, my dreams. Ever so slowly, everything seems so pointless. So futile.