honestly i’ve been intensely suicidal for about a month and i feel like the only thing that gets me through it is daydreaming about a better life. i f*** everything else up in real life, so the escape feels almost nourishing. my councilor said i’m right where most people in their 20,s are, and that i’m normal…i don’t really buy that. i think part of it is just exaggerating the truth the make me feel better because i see people my age all around me who can manage to hold their s*** together. at least now i’m away from most of my toxic friends and away from my old toxic self. i just gotta get the f*** out of here. i hate that i care so much, i hate that everyone treats me like a thing. i hate everyone around me, i hate myself too. how many time can i promise myself that i’ll hold on for a little bit longer before i break the promise and just end my life?