It’s been more than 10 years. Far more than 10 years. And no matter what I do, no matter how many good things come into my life, I can’t get rid of this ineffable sense of sadness and fear that I’m going to have to say goodbye to everyone I love sooner than I would like to. I have no idea why, but I get the feeling I’m going to die before I hit my 50s or possibly even sooner. I don’t want to leave the ones I love behind. But sometimes it just feels inevitable. If this were just teenage angst, it would have been gone by now. I’m nearly 24. I shouldn’t be feeling so melancholy and hopeless.