When I first started dating, I would say yes to any guy that would ask me out. I thought it was the right thing to do, to give them a chance. The only problem was that I had a hard time telling them that I wasn’t interested in them after a few times hanging out- basically, I had a hard time breaking up with guys. I don’t regret those years because not only did I learn how to be clear with my feelings, but I know what I am looking for when I look for someone to be with. My last boyfriend and I had a wonderful relationship. He boosted my confidence in myself by loving me with his whole heart, flaws and all, and I helped heal his shattered heart. The problem was that we were in different places in our life, and I could not commit as many hours to our relationship as he needed. Still loving each other, we thought it best to call it off before things got really bad.
I met this guy recently, who seems to be very kind, fun and shy. We have several mutual friends and hang out with much of the same crowd. I went to a party with him, where we both had a bit to drink and he invited me back to his house. I told him I had feelings for him, but considering our state of mind, I was unsure if he had understood. We went to his place, talked for a bit about some little things and fooled around. The next morning, I told him I would leave soon so he could get some proper rest. I could not bring myself to ask him the question that kept running through my mind: What now? I gave him a kiss goodbye, said see you later, and then went to my car to mentally beat myself up. I am the type of girl who knows what she wants. Why was it so hard to ask him? The worst he could say was that the night was nothing, to which I would be hurt, but I also wouldn’t be left with any hope of the things that might be.
Resolved that saying something late was better than saying nothing at all, I texted him when I got home. “Look, I just want you to know that I like you, and would like to get to know you better. I was wondering if I could take you out.” There, simple and straight to the point. I no longer had to sit there thinking that maybe he just didn’t understand.
All day I waited for a response, jumping for the phone every time I got a text. He never responded. I understand that a non-response is the same as a no, but its worse in a way. I can see that he doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about him, but it hurts more because now I feel as if he thinks I don’t deserve the decency of a response. Or even worse, he is fostering a false hope in me that he just didn’t want to text a response or he is just too shy to tell me.
Because we have mutual friends, and are highly likely to see each other again, I know that I will do everything possible to make sure that things are not weird between us. No mention of that night, and my confession the next morning. No glances his way to see if he notices me. No getting drunk with him at another party. All I can hope now is that he shows me the same sort of courtesy when we are together at functions.
