Want a real, 100% true confession? Here’s a doozy.

I’m a man in my early 30s. For over a decade now, I’ve regularly catfished people online by pretending to be a female. I’ve used friend’s pictures, ex-girlfriends, you name it. On dating sites is usually where it starts, but sometimes we move on to texting. I’ve made long-term friends with many, many men, but I’ve never even once been caught. If any correspondence progresses to the point where they’re absolutely insistent on meeting, I immediately cut off all contact and move on to someone else.

Some of these friendships have lasted literally for years. I’ve even had long phone conversations and no one has suspected a thing because I can imitate a female voice so well.

Funny thing is…I’m not gay. I mean, not even slightly. Truth is, I’m just incredibly lonely, and I always have been, ever since I was a teenager. An average-looking guy like me doesn’t attract much attention online or in real life, but I’ve discovered that a pretty girl can sign up for a dating website and have literally hundreds of men falling over each other to talk to her. I’m well-aware that they’ll eventually want more, but what I crave is the conversation.

I hate myself sometimes for doing this because I’m aware that I’m just stringing people along and being incredibly dishonest, but I’ve found that this is the only way I can get real, actual attention from other human beings. Even though I’m as straight as an arrow, it makes me wish I were born female. I’d be a lesbian, but I’d still have plenty of cool people to talk to.

So yeah, there it is. Never trust the internet.