I’m 18, I haven’t lived with my parents for more than a year, and moving back with them isn’t an option. I originally moved in with my best friend to help him pay bills. And thanks to me not doing anything he’s still not doing well and hes actually working extra shifts in order to make ends kinda meet, which is bad for him since he already works 12 hours.. I feel guilty… I recently started looking for a job and I realized that I’m a failure… And that I’m not ready to be alone in the world doing things all by myself, but I have no choice now. I used to be suicidal and I used to have severe depression, and I self harmed, that lasted for 4 years of my life… In that time period I attempted suicide in many forms, many times. My family gave up on me getting through it. 2 years ago my life changed…I wasn’t happy but I wasn’t suicidal and I don’t know why. I stopped taking my antidepressants and mood stabilizers, I stopped self harming and thoughts of suicide slowly left my mind. I was normal again after the worst 4 years of my life. I never thought for a second, that I would ever be back here again… But here I am… It’s back and it’s worse… I’m a failure… I was supposed to get hired today…My best friend was proud of me he was happy…What do I say to him when he gets home. He will be disappointed in me. I am just a burden to him and to everyone I know… I thought I had a life, I thought I had a plan, I thought I had goals and a dream, but what is any of that if you can’t achieve anything to get there… I thought I was happy…How can it all disappear in a few hours… I have nothing to live for… and I don’t think I ever did…And now more than ever in my life…I just want to be dead. 10/16/2014 8:37 p.m
