Firstly, let me tell you a little about where I am.

I love my boyfriend deeply but since I have been with him it has been nothing but as challenge. The stress of University, our different lives and unfortunately, the passing of his father four months ago. It has to been anything but a peaceful ride for us.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. Recently we have been at our best and been getting on great but I still can’t say I am overly please with the long run. I hate to compare him to previous boyfriends, but what else am I to go on. My last boyfriend was incredible generous, which was lovely but if anything that was too much, I feel in this relationship it is incredibly one sided, this time from me. Is there never healthy middle ground. From the point go, it has always been me, buying the food, cooking, looking after him when he is sick, buying him things for our studies if he is short of money. However the amount of times I do this, then realise he is going out that night, or he is buying a new item of clothing, and I end up feeling like an idiot. Sacrificing the last bit of money I had, just to make him happy.

I thought it would all change when he got a job… but how wrong was I. He still ‘forgets’ to invite me to things and uses the excuse “I didn’t think you had any money”. I ask the question, “when has that ever stopped you”. The answer is never because I always would fund it.

Really, this is not the real issue. The real issue I am writing in is because of the s**.

It all started when we first started getting with each other. It was alright the first times, then when we used to go out for the night it wasn’t so successful. There is only so many times you can blame it on drinking or something else. It took a massive toll on our relationship. I got really down about it thinking it was me. I went to lengths such as doing pelvic floor exercises, loosing weight to look more attractive, but nothing worked. We have almost got into an unspoken agreement that we do not really ‘do it’ so much any more. At first, I got this idea in my mind, but obviously when I was drunk, and s*** Me came out, it was pretty hard. It used to cause arguments as I would suddenly come out with “why do you never want to get with me, to touch me?”. Especially as I am quite sensitive down there. Sometime it is a case of a few seconds and I am already there. One thing I really get off to is guys pleasuring themselves and he was just not doing that. I felt very stuck.

I used to look at forums to see if I could work out what was happening but all it would come up with is “what to do if a guy cums too fast”. I needed the opposite. That basically showed me that I must have doing it wrong as there were no other forums out there.

The reason I have written into this forum is because, as of today, a guy I know has said he is a little bit in love with me. He knows I have a boyfriend, and he said it is a shame we haven’t met in different circumstances, which I agreed with paramountly.

I believe that cheating is wrong on so many levels, but for me, can it be considered differently. It is not that I want to cheap on my boyfriend but it is more the fact that it is impossible for my boyfriend and I to experience that passionate connectivity. Surely it is better that I stay with my boyfriend but that I just get my realise, rarely from another source.

Please tell me if I am being ridiculous because I do not know. I have thought about this for a long time and I would never want to hurt anyone. Without sounding sorry for myself, I feel like I need that release. Would the best thing be to end it. But surely my boyfriend would be better with someone like me who would compromise? How would I approach him with something like this?

Thank you for you help.