(Just to warn you, this is going to be long)

I know this seems like a really petty thing to get upset over, but my school is having a formal dance sometime in December, and the guy I’ve liked for the past seven and a half years asked another girl to be his date. They’re just going as friends, so they’re not dating or anything like that (because she already has a boyfriend). But I was still heartbroken when I found out two weeks ago. I honestly thought for a while that he liked me back, because I would always catch him looking at me whenever we were in the same room; and he wasn’t doing that to any of the other girls, only to me (and he still does this, actually). And if I talk to him he will chat with me, so he obviously doesn’t hate me.

My friends are there for me, but one of my friends who I met last year doesn’t seem to really care about all of this. She was the one who told me (even though one of my friends who I have known for longer told her not to because she knew that I would get really upset – and I am really upset because of this) and she did not seem very sympathetic when I got really upset afterwards. I have had depression before, and it has come back now because of what has happened, and this time it’s worse.

My parents and my brother don’t understand. I don’t think my mum really understands what it feels like to love someone for so long (I’m not going to deny it – I love him. It was just a crush at first, but it grew over the years) because she’s only had one boyfriend, and that was my dad, and they married after a year. They didn’t know each other before they started dating, so there’s no way she could have developed a crush on him. And I’m sorry, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t love my dad. Whenever I try to tell my dad about any problems I have with this guy that I’ve liked for ages, he just sighs in frustration and says “look, ______ is never going to be your boyfriend”. And when my brother found out, he said “well, I guess he never liked you”. I literally cannot think of a worse thing that he could have said in that situation.

Also, I saw him on the bus one day after I had found out about this; I didn’t say anything, but I guess I must have looked pretty depressed because he randomly touched my arm as I walked past him. It didn’t seem like he had done it by accident. Even though he was sitting with one of his friends, he wasn’t talking to them, and he clearly saw me getting on the bus. When I looked down at him, he didn’t say or do anything else; he just kept his hand on my arm and stared at the floor. I kept on walking (even though I obviously stopped for a second because he touched me) because I didn’t want to hold up the entire bus, but I’m still trying to figure it out.

I don’t think he knows why I’m depressed – he obviously knows that I am depressed. He might know that he’s the reason for my depression (because why else would he randomly touch my arm after seeing that I’m upset?), but I don’t think he knows that I like him in this way. He hasn’t spoken to me since then. We have a club together every Thursday after school, but he didn’t show up last week (it was cancelled the week before, and that was when I found out. I found out on that Wednesday, actually). I was going to talk with him, but I couldn’t because he never turned up and whenever I see him outside of that club he’s always with his friends, and I don’t know his friends well enough to just randomly go up and start talking to them as a group. And I’m not in any of his classes, so I can’t even ask him about homework or anything like that.

I’m going to send him a message on Facebook next time I see him online. Nothing deep or heavy, just “hi, how are you?”, or something along those lines. I want him to know how I feel about him, but I can’t tell him now. If I tell him, then he might ditch his date for the dance (which I want him to do, in all honesty), and then she won’t have anyone to go with. And then everyone will hate me and him for doing that, because he will have left her without a date, and I will be the girl he left her for.

It’s all very complicated, and I have no idea what to do. If anyone reading this has been in a similar situation and knows what to do, I would really appreciate it if you comment and give me some advice. I will still send him the Facebook message – I’m not going to see him for the next three weeks, and I don’t want him to think that I’m ignoring him. Should I tell him why I’m upset, or should I just continue to deal with it? This has left me heartbroken, and I know that I’m going to feel that rush of pain when I see him with this other g****** the night of the dance in December. I don’t know how long I can conceal my pain. I’ve been trying to, but it’s obviously not working.