Umbridge scanned the Gryffindor table in an attempt to find Harry, but she never found him. Then she proceeded to eat her food without a care. It was a few minutes later when the toad felt her insides acting up.

“Ooooh!” Umbridge groaned, grasping her stomach.

When her insides began...

Any VIPs here?

Corvallus?

H ow many time will I have to wait for you
Y ou are my everything, I just wish you could know
E ndless is my love. Other women ? Hell no
J ust waiting for the day when you’ll notice me too
E ndering smile,...

One of the things that’s always perplexed me about my ex was her judginess towards colors. You know as people do when they first start dating is talking about trivial s***. During one of these talks I mentioned that blue was my favorite color, specifically cerulean blue. To which she...

I was in the middle of a crowd at Church , we were all singing I slowly and quietly farted .
The odour My God and the need to laugh
HA HA HA

Ok so I’m not really a judgey person or an a****** about how people look and what not, but I really can’t stand watching people with flat feet walk. It annoys me for some reason. Their gait and the way their body moves when they walk is just so cringey....

I want my distant cousin to f*** the s*** out of me.

Today we met up in a family gathering, and me and him went up to one of the bedroom, first with a couple of other cousins then one by one , everyone left until it was just...

What did one bee say to another?

Oh honey! Bee serious.

Ok, this is going to sound like an absolute shitshow but here we go.

I and my family had two kittens, a tuxedo & a calico that we hand raised and had socialized pretty well. The tuxedo was a real sweetheart, he was the crier of the litter and...

Nappy Birthday to you lil n****! Now take your a** outside and play!

– from me to my nephew Joseph

I wish I was smarter with tech. I hate asking for help.

So earlier this young girl came into the restaurant where I work. She was probably 13 or 14 yrs old. She was wearing a thin white tanktop with no bra, and I could see the outline of her n****** and puffy areolas. I love sights like that.

hello and welcome back to mtv here we have gay sad and stressed thanks for watching

I was touched in the bus on the way home today. I had to physically fight the hand and arm wandering my legs and chest to keep it away as much as possible. I don’t know who to talk to. I’m shaken, but otherwise alright; but I feel like I...

My boyfriend expects me to pay for his condoms… I don’t know if I SHOULD be the one paying for birth control or not, but I hate that he’ll want to have s** but be annoyed i didn’t have BC on me. Is it really MY responsibility?

LETS GET THIS (gluten free) BREAD!!!! 🙌

I’m super pissed at my best friend. We hardly talk. She goes home from work everyday and naps. She naps. She can’t see me because napping is more important. Yet if her boyfriend wants to see her, she skips her nap for him. I am so hurt.

I wish people wouldn’t judge me negatively for not wanting to eat a**. I mean, if anything this is backwards and y’all should be the ones getting the “look” You put your tongue where literal s*** comes out. If anyone is weird it’s you a** eaters.

I slept with a mentally unstable person and it is becoming the biggest mistake of my life. He thinks he needs me, like I am his lifeblood. He threatens suicide if I stop talking to him. I don’t know what to do.

Proud to be straight. #PrideMonth

dirty F E G. . .

I’m trying so hard to be a good person.
But I have every justification to burn down an entire city. And become a super villain you’d see in movies.

My sister and I just felt each other up over our clothes. It was the first time a girl ever touched me down there. I blew a load in my pants. Please don’t bother replying, I’m not going to read it. I just wanted to get this off of my...

I confess, I hate-
Carspotter
Tax theft wacko
And “f**” commentor.

tw alcoholic, emotional abuse, physical abuse

i worry im gonna end up just like my dad; rude, selfish, stuck up and basically everything wrong in a parent. i worry im gonna hit my kids, i worry im gonna get mad and blurt out something disgusting. im not even graduated high...

My wife loved being naked in front of doctors.
She was a few months pregnant and was in hospital where student doctors were always araound.She would volunteer to be examined by student doctors and lay there naked.
She had a fantastic body and a shaven c***.She loved to...

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me

I love it when a woman touches my a**, I just melt and become an instant slave. Ugh why is there no woman who will r*** my a** with a s*******

I just cried because I was in an awful state and I hadn’t told anyone about it but my mom felt that something was off and she talked to me and I felt quite better and hours later my friend spontaneously gave me a compliment and I just bursted down...

How much will the govermant pay me 4 adoptin a child?? serious question?

Superman: The bomb can’t destroy the city if I destroy it first.

Be honest. who is just here for the drama, and who wants to actually confess and be completely truthful?

Jim walks over to the teacher’s desk and whips out his hypnoray. He whispers his commands into her ear before making her get up so he can sit in her chair.

The lesson begins pretty normally. Mrs. Stone is going on and on with the dry, formal strictness her...

When I say I miss the 90’s I mean I miss the feeling the 90’s gave me. Like I don’t want to go back to f****** dial up internet and s***. I just want to feel like I did back then.

My wife has always been heavy. She had a lap band procedure and she lost a lot of weight. It left a lot of flabby skin which she had removed. She looks really hot now and guys really check her out. What men don’t know is that she has stretch...

Everyone here is a troll. Good day! 😆

Does anyone know what the penalties are for working in the US under a tourist visa?

Why do tall women wear high heels?? It makes us short people feel so insignificant- 😭😭😭

When we first made eye contact I got butterflies, your green/blue eyes were so Captivating. You had such beautiful blond hair and beautiful eyes. And we kept looking at each other in the long line for the ride. Wish I talked to you

All you maggot sucking fags out there in Sunset Boulevard.