Tomorrow I have to observe one of my junior faculty in the classroom. She’s going to come to my office after her class and s*** my c*** under my desk for a positive review. I can’t wait until she’s on her knees pleasuring me.

There should be a service for ending your life basically. Just a simple thing.

Just somewhere, where I can go, and basically die without doing it myself so I can avoid hell as much as possible.

This way, all the useless broken people can end their lives and...

My hand hurts . I bite my nails . I painted them red to cover the severely bitten nails . Im embrassed to show anyone my right hand. Its painful.

when I was 15-16 I loved my neighbor, my friend. he was a year older than me. we went to the same school. I used to go to his house and me, him, my sister and his sister were really good friends . but they had to move to another...

I’m not okay b***

Christine hugged me, and I fell to the floor. It was all a dream. I had been in love, and yet, I don’t know if there really ever was love in the first place. Blinded by my lack of understanding and will to get better, I made mistake after mistake.

What do you call ticks in space? Luna-ticks.

What’s an avocado’s favorite kind of music? Guac and roll!

What did Venus say to Saturn? Give me a ring.

What is an astronaut’s favorite meal of the day? Launch.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.

What do you call a space magician? A flying saucerer.

How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was hit by the zamboni

Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!

How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Poke him on.

Are you a cheetah? No, you lion!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

Which table fits in the fridge? VegeTABLE.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.

Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrgh!

Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.

Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there!

all those times you slept. I was up for 2-3 hours waiting for you, and I waited 13 hours for you to wake up. Only for you to tell me you were up for four full hours, and I get that you were busy, but you could have at least...

Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present.

What do you call someone who doesn’t like carbs? Lack-Toast Intolerant.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.

What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

I like elephants. Everything else is irrelephant

What is Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.

Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

That “thing” that crawled into you is causing your hate to drip. Something is very wrong in you . you need to deal with your demons . quit giving them power to hurt you. I feel sorry for you.

Or he might be fat. Not that it matters. That kind of dripping hate is demonic. It Has no true gender.

You really are sick. Nazi be damned . juicy is better at fighting. Get it through your very little pea brain. You are nothing to anyone.

Why r u sooo full of hate ? R u hungry for more of that dripping hate you are spilling ? If so? Maybe its time to put you on a new diet. One full of love. Because truth is, you are mean. If being skinny means dripping with hate...

Instead of being a b**** , why not help someone that is overweight. Instead of your being the problem, why not try being the solution? Sometimes, a single person can accomplish miracles and begin a revolution of change . the butterfly effect is possible with the right teacher or mentor...

Fatties can’t bend sideways, i think it’s suffice to say they cannot properly warsh right due to this fact alone.

When is a door not a door? When it is ajar