i have a crush on my friend (hes right next to me as im writing this) and i want to tell him so bad, for some reason i just cant help but stare and admire him

its unfortunate that he still likes his old crush..

My ex wife , as we are ongoing FWBs without relationship, is aware that i am the secret oral rellief for a select group of older married men in my neighborhood. She knows i dont take risks orput her at risk. She teases me about it and it is fine. While one of the many issues that lead to our divorce included the difference in our s***** comapibility, we have been making the s** work at a surprising frequency if usually still pretty vanilla. But things took a turn overmight. She came by unannounced, which is rare. She has a key and is allowed to drop by whem she wishes but rarely does because she has very mixed feelings about the risk of dropping by when i am on my knees for a man from the neighborhood. I realized she was inside the house waiting for me only after i came back from the backyard shed where i give the men what they need. I waa surprised and embarassed and she was giggling at my reaction. But i watched as she dropped her sundress…she was bare beneath it as she usually is….walked up to me and pulled me in for a kiss. I hesitated knowing full well she would taste what i had just done but she insisted, telling me she knew, and hit me with a deep open mou t mouthed kiss, exploring the residual taste in my mouth. I wa shocked but let her do as she wished. She broke and csught her breath then pushed me back to the sofa aggressively and pulled off my tank and shorts. I was barely seated when she straddled me and sat on my erection. I was looking up into her face but she did not want to look me in the eye. She leaned into me and her face was in my neck and she told me to not speak. Both our climaxes were quick and intense. She caught her breath then rose ans took my hand to the bedroom and we were deep in it again, longer but still intense. After she turned her back to me to spoon and took my hand to her breast and asked me to just listen. I learned that she had gotten there a while ago seen the shed door open to the beautiful day and snuck close and managed to watch without me and the man realizing we were being watched and she stayed there until he had finished and she had gone quietly into the house to wait for me. She told me she didnt even know if she was going to mention it kr keep it her little secret but when she tasted him in my mouth her reservations vanished. Without me saying a word she described her reaction to what she saw and as she did she began to move my hand in hers over her body,ultimately shoving my hand between her thighs to m********* her as she kept talking about what she saw. She rolled onto her back and pushed my head down to her and i ate her ravenously as she moaned about wanting to watch again, up close, wanting to join me on her knees in the shed, wanting to swap the man’s c** after, how dirty it was that i was eating her out with another man’s c** still in my mouth, and came hard when she drscribed wanting him to f*** her and have me clean her after. She even shocked me with another deep open mouthed kiss tasting herself and swearing she still tasted him in my mouth. She worked us back into a spoon and was silent for some time. Eventually she was fidgety and i realized she was in tears. She resisted but i turned her toward me and held her as she cried. Eventually she spoke again telling me she didnt know how to process how it felt to be that turned on by what she thought would disgust her and that she felt she was getting addicted to the s**, and ashamed to tell me that she wanted to be in the shed with me and a man and even f*** him and she started crying again while fighting to say she even wanted to help a man f*** me so she could watch and f*** me after with a man’s c** dripping out of both of us. She went silent and begged me not to talk so i just rose and took her hand and took us to the shower. That of course led to s** again but it was longer and sslower and only about us. After when i walked her to her car she said before she left that she realized her thoughts were very real and knew we would have to talk about all of it again when we were not naked in bed. She asked if she needed to not come over unannounced and i tiold her it no longer seemed necessary if she liked watching secretly. She said that she wanted to talk about all of it again not in the heat of the moment but that she needed me to help her process her feelings and tboughts because she did not trust herself to decide if any of this became reality. I am posting this as a random feeling because like her i am unsure what to think or do moving fiorward and still thinking how insane and toxic it is even for us to be having ongoing s** even without anything else changing or being explored.