It’s been nearly a year since we broke up. I’m glad you broke things off with me. Just so you know, everything you ever accused me of doing or being that was all about you turning it around backwards to make me look bad. After the breakup, I learned a lot of things I wished I knew. You were not replaced at the jobs you once had. You got fired at everyone. You even had a job that paid a decent amount. Some other things you did that I was told about by others is that you broke into the neighbors house that you were residing with after they had locked the door and wouldn’t let you back in. You not only was met face to face with their dog growling at you but when you were caught you made threats to beat the dog,I’ve also heard that while I wasn’t around that you exposed yourself to my relative. The gas station owner even told me that while she was in the back of the store and one of the cashiers stepped out to smoke,you had placed a small bottle of alcohol in your wasteband and when she caught you,you had offered her a couple of dollars and she said,you’ve stolen from me before haven’t you? When my daughter asked you if it was true you told her that everyone in town likes to play telephone. You’re absolutely right! That little town doesn’t play games with morons like you. That’s ashame you treated the store owner like that. She didn’t charge us for the fountain drinks because she had you to pick up the fireworks left from the night before in the stores parking lot. She even gave you a job of weedeating and pruning the side of the Dollar General store. The neighbors were telling me that you were looking at my daughter several times in a se*ual way and when we broke up you told them that you were going to take “your daughter ” and get custody of her because supposedly I didn’t want her because she belonged to my ex husband. You are not her parent. Also,when I was concerned my daughter would run away because you and your new girlfriend you jumped into a relationship with days after the breakup that you barely knew had manipulated my daughter into believing that I was a bad parent and had your new girlfriends son ( which was my daughters boyfriends mom ) to put pictures of my house asking if anyone could help my daughter get out of an abusive home. What the hell? I was in the middle of moving. Also after you got mad at me for telling you to get out of moms yard that you go good and well she didn’t want you over you sent me an insulting text message that my I.Q. was lower than my intellectual disabled brother. People in the town got tired of you using them the men that sat uptown at the gas station said if they catch you walking down the backroads they would woop your azz . Even the gas station owner said the next time you get caught stealing from her that you were going to see an old lady woop your azz. The woman you chose over me I was never jealous of. She was a drug addict that had over 26 felonies on her record, including running over someone, D.W.I. at top speeds resulting in someone elses injuries and human smuggling. She was evil and dangerous and a fake Christian with her testimonies that she was a Christian that God saved her from the drugs. Yeah right! She took off with my daughter after my family and I screamed at her to stop and she refused. I had moved because of all 3 of you. Shockingly ( and it shouldn’t come as a surprise) your girlfriend had suffered a stroke and later died. God doesn’t mess with the wicked. He will strike them dead and if you don’t change your ways God just may take your life too. I forgave her but what she did to me was so emotionally hard on me that I can’t stand to look at her picture of her obituary. She was not innocent in picking up my daughter and the moment she left I just called the cops after supposedly giving permission. No sir! And I’m glad you haven’t made your way back to me James. Everything you done to me, my family and the town was just crappy. You’ll meet your fate if you don’t stop your B.S. You were one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made in my life. You’re forgiven but you’re not trusted or welcome in my life anymore. I’ll confess that I was the best thing you’ve probably had and you majorly fumbled a good one.

If you’re talking about the premier cheeksplitters I don’t even think the Alabama slammer is apart of that conversation.

I’m talking about your Dookie Dunker Dushawns your TurdTickler Tyrone’s your Pringles Can Patrices even a BastardBalls Brian or a Footlong Ron type should be considered.

I’m even hearing about some new young bucks coming up in the game who are making a big splash or bringing innovations, but the slammer just isn’t elite and hasn’t brought anything new to the cheeksplitting game IMHO … and no the fart hammer isn’t new, Coke Can Cornelius has been doing that since 1989.

CORVALLUS BRONSON WINSLOW III – ANALIST ANALYST