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Some of this i learned and processed years after when my mother told me. Even when i was an infant if i was crying or fussy she would fondle my g e n i t a l s to soothe me and take me to breast. Apparently even when she was trying to toilet train as a first reward system she would do it as a reward. When i was no longer bedwetting she had me sleep in her bed. She continued to brrastfeed me for many years, long past puberty. She did so to make me obedient whether it was good grades or chores or general behavior. When school first started it was neurotic so she escalated it. At some point that i remember from around 7 or 8 she would use her mouth as a special treat. She also said she did it because boys are dirty and bad. She said she did it to keep me from shaming or degrading myself. When hair began to grow on my body she kept me shaved because she said ikept me her cute little boy. She did not tell me this until i dreamt it but apparently overnight she would commonly at same general age have me lay on top of her and rub my p e n i s against her between her legs. These things happened commonly until the first time i e j a c ulated when she had her mouth on me. From that event on she would have me enter her and climax every morning and every night at bedtime. To her it was keeping me good and focused and making good grades all the way through college (local, lived with her). It continued until her age made it too difficult to do safely and she eventually had of her in home caretakers serve as her surrogate for higher pay. I still see that caretaker since my mother died and i continue to oay her to visit her several times a week. I have never dated or been with any other women. Mother got me addicted to infantile headspace s** for control and i have no ability to be attracted to or date or have relationship,s** because i am helplessly trapped in that whole messed up mommy mentality.

3 Views

I knew what my girlfriend and her best friends boyfriend were doing in that room.
I could hear the bed creaking gradually getting faster until it was all out loud and careless. They were not sleeping after the party. I felt powerless to stop them and I didn’t tell her friend what happened out of shame. They both blatantly cheated and they got away with it.

4 Views
a pain
7 years

Please can we go to therapy? Even a session it’s a program for people like me I know the problem is me I need help. I don’t want to lose you

790 Views
a pain
7 years

F*** CORONAVIRUS F*** EVERYTHING MY SENIOR YEAR IS RUINED AND I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO GRADUATE GRRRRRR WHO ELSE FEELS THIS WAY 😤😤😤

745 Views
a pain
7 years

I’m genuinely scared to catch feelings for this guy. This is all supposed to be just for fun but I don’t have the experience I need to separate lust from anything else. Maybe this is a bad idea. There’s just something about him that doesn’t scare me away like the...

874 Views
a pain
7 years

Admin: please fix this site. It’s useless as is, or take it down.

844 Views
a pain
7 years

i dont understand how coming to a first world country ruined everything for me when it was supposed to make everything better

763 Views
a pain
7 years

Im so depressed , im tired of crying, i dont know what to do with myself

786 Views
a pain
7 years

Tomorrow is the day. I’ve been talking with a guy and he wants to f***. I need to tell him that he probably won’t want me when he sees me. And that’s okay. But he has to be honest. I’ve been hurt worse, I can leave without crying in front...

1218 Views
a pain
7 years

I hate you. I hate you and all of your friends. W, S, B, and whoever the f*** you hang out with. You make every waking moment of my existence at that f****** pathetic excuse of a school they call the best around. You all already know that I struggle...

723 Views
a pain
7 years

I close my eyes and watch your smile in my head to forget that I’m in an empty room.
I imagine myself next to you to forget that you’re at the other side of the globe.

398 Views
a pain
7 years

Talking with my mother she said
“Where’d you find this guy?”
I said, “Young people fall in love”
“With the wrong people sometimes”
Some mistakes get made
That’s alright, that’s okay
You can think that you’re in love
When you’re really just in...

1790 Views
a pain
7 years

He doesn’t eat p**** well enough for him to be bitchin and crying at me the way that he does.

336 Views
a pain
7 years

Can you try not to be a nasty , Even if you are done with me and our friendship? Enough of this vendetta crap Are you seriously kick your feet like a 12-year-old… I mean grow up I just said it would be nice to hear from you someday doesn’t...

338 Views
a pain
7 years

Ready to harm and/or kill myself yet again.

314 Views
a pain
7 years

i hope i die soon enough

973 Views
a pain
7 years

(He couldn’t be heard from the closest) Even though they knew it would be low, it was the counter to dirty trick’s. The knife would cut terribly deep.
With the fear forming, an exposed man practically walked the beast’s into his loved one’s home. Now it was just a...

513 Views
a pain
7 years

I feel like I’m suffocating and no one cares. ADVICE?!

I am in a living situation where I live and work with seven other people in one little flat. It was not my choice who I would be here with. I don’t get along well with people because of social...

947 Views
a pain
7 years

Thanks

798 Views
a pain
7 years

Would it be possible just to talk one last time to have some peace and closure with the situation? I haven’t blocked you but I am afraid to reach out in anyway. I understand you don’t need me for anything or want my friendship, I promise you I accept that...

357 Views
a pain
7 years

I blocked her because I care about her…She had problems of her own, it wasn’t my job to add onto them…I still love her and I would still die for her…this was just the best choice for both of us…
-R

667 Views
a pain
7 years

I’m afraid that as a black girl I will never get a boyfriend or find love.

On top of being a first generation African in America, I’ve grown up in a very diverse setting. As such, I have taken on preferences and tastes that don’t fit into the stereotype...

460 Views
a pain
7 years

Another stare at the blank spot on the wall kind of day.

317 Views
a pain
7 years

RIP this website.

2515 Views
a pain
7 years

My parents are married but argue all the time we live in a 3 bed 2 bath trailer with 6 of us I’m the oldest but my siblings don’t listen to me I don’t have any real friends and today was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and he...

1530 Views
a pain
7 years

The only reason I tell people I’m not suicidal is cause I don’t have the guts to kill myself. Not because I don’t want to 😉 .

480 Views
a pain
7 years

He deserves so much better than me. The other girls who are way prettier and can make him happier than I ever can? He deserves it. He deserves so much better than me. I only drag him down.

He can do so much better.

398 Views
a pain
7 years

I just want to die. My life has gone to such s*** in the past few months and I don’t see it getting any better. My girl dumped me, I tried dating again but it all went down hill, I started drinking and smoking again, I just don’t want to...

314 Views
a pain
7 years

Another day I’m alive. Another day I wanna kill myself.

323 Views
a pain
7 years

Im sad . And lonely. I just want to find my soulmate and be happy . But i have no one .
I act like being single doesnt bother me . I keep telling every one when itll happen it will . But when will it happen . Im...

623 Views
a pain
7 years

Why do I felt like this. Not once, not twice but every time. When it was dark, when I was alone. I just wanted an answer. Is this a call for help? probably. But I was the hyper, happy and easygoing girl in my group of friends. I wasn’t supposed...

294 Views
a pain
7 years

I SWEAR TO GOD HE GOT PAID TO RUIN MY LIFE

347 Views
a pain
7 years

This guy is Bad News and Bad Intentions

283 Views
a pain
7 years

i’m a senior in high school and it’s so f**king unfair how senior year gets cancelled because of the stupid coronavirus. like how are we gonna graduate? please don’t call me or anyone else part of this class selfish. those who do don’t know what it’s like to have their...

365 Views
a pain
7 years

I met a guy at work and we hit it off instantly. Not in a romantic kind of way , but totally platonic . Our personalities were similar and I just loved talking and hanging out with him. I think he felt the same way. Slowly we started having harmless...

1409 Views
a pain
7 years

I was attacked in my hospital bed after going through major surgery. Group of people outside my room insulted, stole my dinner, drugged and assaulted me. Then they assaulted me as I was sleeping after another major surgery. Albany is great

1262 Views
a pain
7 years

I thought somehow my ex was still into me. After we broke up, we remained good friends for a couple months and he started dating his current girlfriend.
He moved in with me and my roommates not even a month ago and I could have sworn there was something...

349 Views
a pain
7 years

Today I was just laid off because of the corona virus. Now what?

494 Views
a pain
7 years

Courage to slit my wrists and/or a way to kill myself altogether.

265 Views
a pain
7 years

I can’t stop thinking about killing myself.

410 Views
a pain
7 years

Feeling numb & can’t fall asleep. Bring on the suicidal thoughts. Maybe I should go & harm myself.

815 Views
a pain
7 years

I dislike myself strongly, largely because I am black.

There’s more wrong with me, but that’s what it revolves around. I’m full of disgust and wearyment with myself and the world. I hate the way things are, and I hate the way I am.

I’m relieved that I have an...

634 Views