Someone said “I’d rather be happy and fat, than thin and unhappy.”
Honestly, at first I thought those people were crazy and just trying to hide a sadness of being fat. But then, everything changed in my life and I realised I can vouch for that statement. The person who said it knew exactly what they were talking about. I just didn’t.
I was thin and beautiful, with a coca cola shaped body, beautiful long black hair and one beautiful face. Honestly you might think I’m vain right now talking about myself like that, but now I realise I was beautiful. I still am. Just fatter.
I would look at myself in the mirror when I was thin, and was never satisfied by what I saw. I was always thinking I was too fat or too this or too that. If only I lost a bit of weight, just five more kilos… and on and on.
I would block out all the positive comments from my family and people around me. I was blinded. I was so blinded that I was so obsessed with being thin, that gradually, with life changes hitting me in the face, I started to grow fatter. I didn’t gradually grow fat, I shot up around 30 kilo’s in one year.
I was devastated, I was disgusted with my body, I was horrified. What would people say? What would people think? Uggh I hated looking at the mirror anymore. Before I used to look at every single reflection I could get. Wow, how I changed, how shocked I was.
It took me a couple of months to accept that I’d grown fat, another couple of months to not think about dieting and another couple of months to connect with me. Me, me, me. I forgot about me. How stupid. Oh how stupid of me.
I went deep down into my soul, tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted. Finally to make a long story short, I realised the beauty within and I came to appreciate what I had when I lost it. I decided that someone out there, bigger than me, made me go through this ordeal to fully see and appreciate my body for what its worth.
Then when I finally came to accept that, just last night while me and my girls were cruising on Rawche, my friend told me she dreamt that I was sad and unhappy. Then I asked myself, am I unhappy? And I realised, no. I am happy. I am very happy actually. Finally found me and my place in this world. Finally I connected with my soul and found out who I am.
I am happy. I am overweight. But I’m happy.
I will lose the weight, because to me that is an added bonus to be back to what I was and fully appreciate it. And I will get there. But just before I get there I’m going to enjoy the ride. : )
All Comments
Too long, didn’t read. Oh, but I get the impression you are fat? Try working out… or not eating fatty foods… that usually does the trick.