• 6 months ago
  • 1 1

Every day I look into my child’s bright blue eyes and hope that little face falls blank from a heart attack or blood clot.
It’s not that I want my kid to suffer.
I just want it to stop.
I want so much to take a handful of sleeping pills right now and chase t down with vodka.
I can’t handle this any more. An extremely violent and volatile small child with oppositional defiant disorder is hell.
I watch my intelligent and beautiful child hurt themselves during the hour long tantrums as I patch up my fresh daily wounds and hope to fucking god that I don’t need stitches or that my thumb stays on,
I can’t wait for the adoption specialist to contact me again.
I’m going to kill myself before Christmas.
I’m so afraid of this creature. One moment I see a sweet kid sitting in my lap as I read a book and the next minute I’m trying to get all 23 pounds in a leg lock because the head banging into the tile floor won’t stop despite the forehead bruise already forming.
Fuck this shit
I’m done
I’m tired of this torture and loneliness

All Comments

  • I’m so sorry you are going through this , I know it can’t be easy and your feelings are valid . I know it doesn’t seem like it but you can make it and you will

    Anonymous November 13, 2018 8:34 am Reply
  • Try a strong strain of Indica marijuana on him.

    Anonymous November 13, 2018 3:42 pm Reply
    • No. My parents did that to me as a kid. It really messed me up. I’m not going to abusively dose my child.

      Anonymous November 13, 2018 5:33 pm Reply
      • See, someone gives you a solution, you say “no.”

        Anonymous November 14, 2018 1:58 am Reply
  • I’m an ODD mom.
    I get you.
    We just put our daughter in to an Assisted Living Facility. Best thing we have ever done for our family.

    Anonymous November 13, 2018 10:27 pm Reply
    • Thank you so much, knowing I’m not alone really helps

      Anonymous November 20, 2018 12:14 am Reply
  • This is the most disturbing thing I have ever read on SimplyConfess. I love you and wish you peace, you know my mother just died and I think so often about just going and being with her, but then I realize my path is my path and it includes being lonely, being financially strapped for decades, not being touched unless I fly to another city, getting old and watching my face and body decay and realizing that’s just going to accelerate, watching my older brother succeed beyond his wildest dreams. But it also includes sunrises and sunsets, some very beautiful friends, almost constant beautiful music (from me!) some very nice material things in the world that almost no one else gets to have, and beautiful sleep and food and no more vomiting (I’m bulimic as fuck since I was 15) and…

    Ah, please don’t kill yourself, get some help, scream and shout and beat up a towel, let yourself fall apart, come back together, take one day at a time, I was in Special Ed, I know what you’ve got on your hands and I promise it will change. bye XXXX love you

    Anonymous November 14, 2018 2:05 am Reply

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