So how do I start this, I honestly need to talk about my freaking low self esteem because it’s holding me back from doing a lot of stuff.
I have social anxiety, BDD, low self-esteem, anxiety in all its forms
I hate going out, I hate interacting with people I hate myself, I hate the way I look, I hate me more than anything.
I can’t go a day without going harsh on myself, whenever I’m outside I try to hide my face, I love winter because I can just grab an umbrella and hide my face, I rarely take pictures, I either stare at the mirror for like 24h or just don’t look at it at all.
I can’t walk normally because I feel like people are judging me the same way I’m judging myself and I can’t just change that thought .
I remember once I was going to the bathroom and I saw some guys in the hallway so I wanted to go back to class because I get so anxious when I pass people because of what I already mentioned ” feeling like people are judging me the same way I’m judging myself ” but I decided to keep going and said to myself that it’s just a stupid thought and no one actually gives a damn about me or the way I look so I walked past them and they were apparently looking for a girl to ” date ” so this guy told his friend ” Hey what about her? ” and his friend said ” her ?, oh come on man it’s like we’ve done nothing bro ” and it honestly hurted me so bad that when I got home I just kept crying because I for a moment convinced myself that it was just a stupid thought I had but turned out that I was always right.
My mom thinks I’m incredibly beautiful my friends tells me that I’m beautiful but they’re just my friends i know that they’re say this to be nice to me .
I have a crush on this guy I met online we went to the same school but like we never really talked face to face but I sometimes post my pictures ( only the really really reaaaaaally nice ones + it’s w/ filters ) so he knows how I look like but the thing is that whenever he wants to meet I just push him away because I’m afraid that he’ll feel disappointed when he’ll look at me, because he thinks that I look as good as the pictures when in reality I don’t, we talked for solo long and I honestly love him and I feel like he’s kinda into me but my freaking low self esteem and lack of confidence and all that crap is holding me from telling him the truth because I know that when we’ll meet he will think that I’m unattractive and will probably never talk to me the same way again like he’ll lose the interest in me that’s why I didn’t confess anything to him because I know that he deserves someone better than me.
I just wish that I was at least like other girls, you know.
Some of you might be laughing at me but it’s honestly so hard living while hating yourself

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