I see it now.
The way you play around and joke. You call me for us to catch up. Before I used to always say yes and leave my own important things, afraid of saying no, afraid I’d be judged…but that’s ridiculous after all it hit me later on.
The fear created the judgement, created the attitude in me…I’ve noticed at some point it almost ate our friendship. I could have just said “no, I have something important to do man, will see you later.” Or just “no man I’ll catch you later!” …but just because I didn’t accept what you were going to say, wanted to shut you up and be the tough guy…hmm I wanted to challenge you somehow thinking it would make me tough-wise-guy. But it’s only eating up from my anger and getting me worked up for nothing. It’s all silly ridicule…
I reckon now’s the time to think of more important things in my life than this worry, guilt, fear vicious circle. I’m grateful it’s just worry and not a real issue, and refuse these thoughts to take over me. I think I’ll need to do more breathing. More stuff for myself. More time for myself so I can hold the space for you my friend to be. For I’ve been blocking your feelings in pursue of my own inner control freak. It’s been waking the inner control freak inside of you too. It’s time for me to focus more on art, writing, photography…the bigger picture of life than the little details that piss me off.
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Good luck.
T.A.