Having sexual abuse ptsd when you’re considered a pretty girl sucks ass. I don’t want people to be attracted to me. It doesn’t matter what I wear. I can

3 years

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Having s***** abuse ptsd when you’re considered a pretty girl s**** a**. I don’t want people to be attracted to me. It doesn’t matter what I wear. I can wear baggy clothes, no make up and hair up and I get hit on. This is NOT a brag. I don’t want to be noticed. I’ve started neglecting my hygiene. Greatly. I haven’t brushed my teeth in weeks. Disgusting, I know. I want people to stay away from me. At the same time, I feel revolting for being so unhygienic and dressing as I do. I want to look cute. I want to wear cute clothes. I just don’t want people to be attracted to me. I don’t want people to look at me at all. Summer is going to s*** a**, because it gets really hot here. Men’s basketball shorts, baggy shirts and baseball cap will likely be my uniform if I don’t fix this. I don’t want to live like this. I need to change. I don’t want people to look at me, though. I was in Kohls yesterday looking for sleepwear and it was near the bras and this guy walked by and leered at me. I looked like s*** and he still did that. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Confession

I hate you and resent you, you never listen and only hear what you wanna hear. You like me but its only conditional and when its convenient for you. You treat me like trash just like everyone else has and walking on eggshells. Any little mistake I make, your awful to me, you’re easily possessive , controlling and get easily jealous if i so much smile at someone yet its okay for you to have friends. You don’t want me to talk to anyone else yet you push me when I want to have a conversation with you. You only halfway listen, and you wonder why I completely shut down and dead inside. I rather live and die alone than feel more alone & isolated around everyone who’ve treated me like a freak. You get mad that I don’t want to be near you yet you’ve mocked me when I was really upset and hurt. I feel trapped and stuck. Im waiting to die, I hate this non-ending cycle pathetic excuse of this life im living. I can’t even escape in my own thoughts, if a god or any other being exists and is listening, please take me away already , why do you let me live ?

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