I love those women. Seriously. Seriously awesome. So so many. Even in my late 30's, early 40's, I had girls in their mid 20's, we got to know each other,

3 years

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I love those women. Seriously. Seriously awesome. So so many. Even in my late 30’s, early 40’s, I had girls in their mid 20’s, we got to know each other, slowly, things happen, we get to trust each other and like being with each other, there’s a respect and trust, it’s real it’s mutual, eventually they were giving me some. Just for the heck of it. I don’t even ask for it or expect it. I show appreciation when I get it, I love it. What I love more than it, is the idea that I’m worthy enough to be fed randomly like that, just because. Opportunity. It’s a sweet gesture.

New Confession

I hate you and resent you, you never listen and only hear what you wanna hear. You like me but its only conditional and when its convenient for you. You treat me like trash just like everyone else has and walking on eggshells. Any little mistake I make, your awful to me, you’re easily possessive , controlling and get easily jealous if i so much smile at someone yet its okay for you to have friends. You don’t want me to talk to anyone else yet you push me when I want to have a conversation with you. You only halfway listen, and you wonder why I completely shut down and dead inside. I rather live and die alone than feel more alone & isolated around everyone who’ve treated me like a freak. You get mad that I don’t want to be near you yet you’ve mocked me when I was really upset and hurt. I feel trapped and stuck. Im waiting to die, I hate this non-ending cycle pathetic excuse of this life im living. I can’t even escape in my own thoughts, if a god or any other being exists and is listening, please take me away already , why do you let me live ?

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I keep imagining myself bleeding out from my neck and stomach whenever i get angry or sad, it’s not normal, I know that much.