I am not sure I can ever stop being freaked out.

Ever since I was a kid, I think I’ve just been freaked out. I think I was probably born weak to begin with, and then I saw a bunch of s*** and experienced things I shouldn’t have, and I just have not calmed down.

I think I am like addicted to transgender p***.

Also, some of the transgenders or supposed, that I watch, they don’t say they are transgenders but they are born male, have d***, but have makeup and long hair basically.

With this one particular girl (I never asked her if she likes to be called girl or how she views the whole thing, I would like to so I can understand, or become more informed)… I keep having like the same sensations and feelings over and over again.

I feel like she just does not care.

Like I can’t stop being timid or petrified of her s***** power. I am not sure how to describe it. It’s like crushing and smashing. She just does not care that she is so powerful and big and strong. Her c*** is like insanely strong. She orgasms like incredibly f****** hard. She makes so much c** like she can’t even keep up with how much her body produces. She says it hurts sometimes when she is jerking off, because there is just so much c**.

I think maybe her muscle is so strong, she keeps orgasming but she isn’t c****** like c** coming out, like she keeps orgasming and never stops. Like she just keeps c****** and going higher and higher. Like she holds out the o***** and lets it ride and then keeps going and keeps c****** repeatedly. I am not sure if I am describing this accurately. Like she basically goes through rolling orgasms I think maybe. She does not get tired at all. I try to process what she must be going through but like I just can’t… I guess I’m just a weak stupid lesser being.

I could go on and on… she is so powerful…

I keep getting this feeling like she doesn’t care. She is the great monster that she is, but she doesn’t run around and try to make people feel better… 110% she just does her thing on her own and she doesn’t seem to care one bit about someone might be scared or something, like I am describing.

And that in and of itself, freaks me out.

She doesn’t need anything.

I am trying so hard to understand.