I’m probably still in love with a guy I haven’t talked to properly in around 2/3 years. It’s gotten especially more prevalent in my daily life recently, though it’s been there for years. I used to have a fat crush on him when we were 13/14, now 17/18 and the feeling is still there. We were really close (closer than I realised), co-starring in school shows, having singing lessons together, partnering on trips, doing choir together, walking home, etc. He moved away and I never had the courage to confess to him properly because I was still in a sorta relationship with my ex at the time. When he came back, I tried to hate him, but really couldn’t do it – he was too friendly, funny, cool and all around just totally a great friend to me. I tried to confess a couple times, but never got it right, and after he left school (he’s the year above me) we both sorta stopped talking. I thought I’d gotten over him, but apparently not. So, I guess, to help me ride these feelings out…
Ioan. I think you’re amazing. I know I haven’t seen you in ages, so this is a confession from 14 year-old me. I love you. I thought you were brilliant from the day I met you. You were talented, exceptionally funny and kind. Your smile was so bright and your friendship meant so much to me when I was trying to find myself. You made me feel like I could accept my girliness, accept who I was and who I wanted to be, and you made me feel valued, even if I don’t think I really deserved it. I know you were probably super self-conscious back then, too, but I hope you know how much you meant to me. Your support, and your admiration… I’m sorry I never appreciated you more. I’m sorry I was too full of myself to realise how much I meant to you, too. I never realised it, but you really were one of my greatest friends, and I’m so upset that I never even tried to keep in touch. I want you to know how much of an imprint you’ve left on me, even if you never ever find this confession.
I love you, Ioan. I hope you find happiness with whatever you do in future. I hope you live a life as colourful and as interesting as what short time I spent with you.
Lizzie 🙂