I don’t believe you.
I think you’re bitter because you’re out of control, you want him really, really badly and it’s a hopeless case. You’re blind and in the dark.
Advice? Just forget about it. Completely forget about it. What helped me was to keep in mind that it’s impossible. I used to do that. I would think to myself “it’s impossible. It will never ever happen because….” then I would remind myself of all the negative toxic s*** and reasons that can never be undone. Before you know it, you won’t give it a second thought.
Be happy with what you have. You probably should not be thinking about something that is already long gone and in the past. It isn’t healthy. You can’t do that forever. You could but you will be wasting your life.
Good luck.
