Must s*** to be completely obsessed with someone to the point of madness. A person you have never even f****** met in person. They don’t want you at all, in any real way and you can’t even control the obsession.

I imagine it being a burden on you and every single person you come in to fact with. Basically you sound like the definition of toxic. You have this addiction, ike a ball and chain addiction. You would think any normal healthy individual, knowing you have this sever mental problems, likely many sever me two problems, you would think they could over-ride their brain, get a hold of yourself and just get rid of it, concentrate on something more realistic and within reach and more accessible… Evidently not. It must s***? Losing control to the point of no shame they say you melt down 24/7/365 on this board to people who don’t care is you live, die, kill yourself or never say another word online anywhere, nobody cares either way and to actually be wrong in the situation… To have no control over yourself?

Do you think that weakness comes from your genetics, your parents, who probably should have never had kids in the first place or is it the fucked up drugs tey used to raise you because you were a loud out of control kid, your brain has been messed up from birth by default because you parents never should have had kids?