Guess what..The beauty of it all lies in the tragic corruptness of it’s own – and very real present existence. My life isn’t so much a lie but a mis-melody of catastrophic measure. A dis-harmonic arrangement that is beset by the saddest, dischordial deepest-reaching emotional rhythms. Listen, I wasn’t in control enough, or confident enough of my actions to understand my own broken and distorted emotions and now I’m trapped in a hell of my own making, a reality of which I’m scared of by the power of it’s own manifestation. I guess that’s what I get for my trusting in ones I should have left untouched and letting ones I trusted open, expose and then systematically eviscerate my pristine innocence and pour it out on the ground, exposed and real for me to witness. It’s a pain that’s constant my dear friends and readers. ..I try to break free of this in my own weak-willed and in-effective way instilled in me I am all to familiar with and resultant of the depressingly flawed and uncaring parental guidance I failed to receive. You could call it cursed. I am shouted down by voices I can’t drown out inside my own mind. The memories I have are the worst part of my history that still affects my future. All I want is to be my own self with which I am finally comfortable and yet contradictorily have never been able to escape the grasp of. I wish I was strong enough to trust myself and discover who I could have been and not to mention allow the potential I heralded, be stubbed out and extinguished…Then, instead of allowing my weakness to be corrupted by the intentions and actions of my bullying, toxic oppressors and my history I have survived. The ones which have harmed me have steered me in a way I never felt is my true course, but, HARK! This is a new dawn…Now….Now I am ready. …F*** all those that try to stop me…
Virtue and karmic-forces unbeknownst to us are real, my friends.
Blessings move with you, through you and peace be upon you. X
Thanks for reading.