Today, my best friend told me that shes worried im catching feelings for her boyfriend. I told her that she wouldnt have to worry about that, Im not into her boyfriend like that. I see him as just a friend. After she told me that, all i could think about was how i hate myself. I hate the way i look, and i hate the way i act. I dont see how anyone can like me, im stupid and annoying. Im not pretty and the way my body looks in the mirror make me want to cry. I feel like i bother everyone just by existing. I feel like i annoy her and her dad because i dont do anything but sit in my room and sulk when im home. I try my best to help out whenever, but my depression and anxiety make it hard for me to leave my room without getting worried that they dont really want me living with them. I dont want her to hate me, but i feel like she already does. I dont know how to talk to anyone about stuff like this because im pretty sure i annoy everyone when i do. Sometimes i wish i had never been born, the world would be a much better place without someone like me. I constantly think about suicide, but i can never bring myself to actually do it. I can put a knife to my skin, but im never able to actually cut myself. I hate myself so much for everything, its probably my own fault that i have depression. I know its my own fault that i have only one friend. No matter how hard i try to think about what kind of future ill have, i always end up crying because i know ill probably end up alone forever. Im slowly coming to terms with that and it hurts so much, because even though i have family and friends that love me, i feel like nobody actually loves me. I dont even love myself, and so far nothing is gonna change the way i feel about myself. Im always gonna be an annoying, selfish and ugly person. Thats why i feel like the world would be better off without me in it, thats why i feel like everyone would be better off without me in their lives.