It comes and goes. Sometimes the world just… I don’t know. I think it gets me angry. Or sad. Or something. I don’t know. Sometimes I just go into this state of blankness… Where I see how the world’s bleeding… How we’re slowly dying. I don’t mean the actual, physical planet, but the people on it. After 30,000 years of living on the same rock, we still don’t trust each other. We still kill each other, rob each other, insult each other… And then I get out of this mood… I act like everything’s fine. I always say “Hela2 it’ll all be fine.” We’re all waiting for something to be fine, you know? I’ve been told I’m too young to be thinking like this. Is it ever too young to realize that what we’re doing isn’t working? But then I think about it… I haven’t lived yet. Sure, I’ve been alive these past years… But I haven’t lived. But I don’t know what it takes to live… I don’t know anything… All I know is that I don’t know anything… I just think… I read somewhere, I forgot where… But I read somewhere that the reason why all the good people die early is because God wants them… Not saying I believe in it… It just makes me think… Sometimes I think this isn’t healthy for me… I bet some people think I’m depressed… A loner… But then other times… I think this is the healthiest thing that could ever happen to me… Maybe I am alive… Maybe all those people living in ignorance… Worried about what to wear… Which phone to buy… Maybe they’re not alive at all… Maybe they’re just a figure… Maybe they’re just one out of 7 billion people… Maybe I am… Maybe you are… Ignorance is bliss… Oh, how very right you are… But I guess I’d rather be oppressed and alive than ignorant and free… Because it’s not really freedom, is it? You’re stuck in this state of mind where you think you’re free because the wind’s in your hair and because you’re making money… Getting what you want… Don’t be so ignorant…
Maybe I’m just cynical… A pessimist… Or maybe I’m a realist… Or maybe, for now… I should stop thinking… Just for now… Just a little peace…