I hate people who ask me ‘how are you?’ but they don’t really want to know how I’m doing. If you ask me the question, I’ll f****** tell you. Don’t ask the question if you don’t care about the answer, empty polite gestures insult my intelligence.

This morning my boss asked me, so I told her ‘I didn’t sleep that well last night, my new cat is obsessed with food and nothing else, also I’m reading a really good Stephen King book.’ Her eyes glazed over and she had this look on her face that said OMG he’s actually telling me how he is. B****, you f****** asked me! Blame yourself if you wasted your time.