to: I’m sorry but I just can’t do it anymore. I started with this stupid tweezers again and anything to make myself feel a different pain than everyday. It hurts so bad to say but I’m 100% sure I’m not gonna make it. I cant take it anymore I can’t take life it is not beautiful to me it will not get better I’m not okay. I’ve been so suicidal for the longest and I wanted to give you the letter I did today because I wanted it to be one of the last normal things that sound like me before a note but u didn’t care to read it. You tossed it. Normal things are me fighting for you but u didn’t care. Why does everyone think I’m so strong for this that I’m so okay. I’m not i just wanna die. I don’t want anything else but to not be here. I try and say oh my parents are gonna be so hurt if I’m gone but not even that stops me because I just can’t handle the pain the hurt and I wish someone understood me but everyone has bigger things in their life bigger things they care for or going on that stresses them out or I can’t even be in their life because I’m just not goof for them but I try to be and it hurts so much. Everyone’s life I’m in I’m so draining I just do wrong or with my mental health or anything else and it’s never ending. because I I don’t care to text a hotline tonight I don’t care to write notes to people don’t care for anything that’s how bad it hurts there’s nothing stopping me so why am I still here. Because I’m scared to actually do it. and I swear that if someone tried to help me if someone tried to send me somewhere I’d end it all. I’m not cut out for life. It’s really not for me and I can’t explain it but I’m too weak for this. People really put me on this earth and said work with it. Work with f****** up 24/7 and then cryinf about it, work with school work with field hockey, but no woek with depression and being suicidal but being too scared to end it, work with it all and sit in ur bathroom but don’t worry people will tell you it’ll be okay and they love u but where is the care and where is the love and when is the part where “it’ll be okay” coming? It’s not and I can’t do it. My stomach hurts so bad my head hurts so bad right now and my heart hurts because of me crying over everything f****** possible happening. I didn’t even wanna f****** be here did i ask to f****** be here and if I fuckinf die what everyone’s then gonna fuckinf cry about it. Grow the f*** up. I just wish it would f****** end and the day I get the f****** balls I hope everyone is the same as they are right now at this moment. I don’t want a f****** funeral or someone f****** cryinf over me. I don’t want s***. All my effort to be here for everyone, to get you back, to be suicidal and depressed, to do field hockey to make my parents proud, for the good grades, cleaning the house, trying to fuckinf work on just myself it all goes so fuckinf un noticed I just wanna be left f****** alone and not be cared for completely so I can stop and be over it all
re: take your time
