lele (i don’t want to use real name) yes this post is for you “8”6. yesterday i came on here and wrote all that because it makes me feel close to you. i haven’t really posted on here because you told me i ruined it for you like everything else. if i did post on here i put a distraction in front so you wouldn’t read it and click on it like one of those weird s*** things people post on here. i didn’t want you to read it and i hate that you told my sister because you of all people know i don’t like it. then my cousins texted me and obviously i knew what happened because alysha came in my room 5 minutes after. this was the only place i could let things out feeling like i could talk to you because you were the only person i was ever really able to no matter how hard it’s been. but now that you told my sister i can’t do that anymore and u asked me to leave this website anyway because you were here first and so that’s what i need to do for you. i’ve felt this way for so long it’s not any different then a month ago, or two, or three. i was just never able to fully speak my mind about it. when i texted the crisis hotline yesterday all i could think about is if you’d be proud of me. and even though i would have rather called u crying instead of a random guy name jay i knew it would’ve counted for you. i always find out if you text her, i’ll always find out whoever you text about things like this but please don’t. the thought that you did it means so much to me because i miss you a lot but i don’t like when people know how i feel and it made me upset that all 3 of my cousins and my sister knew texted me saying they love me. and as crazy as that sounds i don’t wanna be told i’m loved and cared for because they’re scared my life’s in danger and some scary thing has to be said from me in order for them to remind me they love me or that you care still. i just needed somewhere to go to feel like i was talking to you about it and that was here because i felt safe with you and i felt safe here. but i have to find somewhere else now. i know the last time we talked was through this website and i’m sorry for the things said and the cursing. im sorry you read the things i wrote and got mad at me and i stopped because i genuinely was sorry. this will probably be the last time i post here unless i wanna feel close to you again but it won’t be a post without a distraction in front of it. you don’t have to respond to this if you wouldn’t like and if you’re gonna be mad that i wrote to you through here and go off on me then please just don’t respond because i can’t handle it. just let me know if you got it or not. i’m sorry again