i cant even sleep i’ve been staring at the same thing and it’s frustrating me because i can’t stop thinking the endless cycle of thoughts and it’s all about you it’s constantly. throughout my whole day you are always on my mind 24/7. i can’t stop thinking what’s gonna happen. as if you didn’t already decide i’m not good for you. but i try and shift that thought. everything you’ve ever said to me i try and look for good in it in hopes you’ll allow me to show you who i’ve become. i just wanna give you your space but i know ill be back before you know it because i cant leave you alone. you know i don’t give up you know i don’t drop it so easily. i’m scared. i’m scared youre gone and i’ve felt this way before it’s not the first time and it’s not the first time i’ve had to fight for you either. i don’t want this to be happening at all. i wish so many things that have happened didnt actuallt happen but they did. all i know is that for the longest time it’s been you. it’s always come back right to you literallt no matter fckn what has happened. and i don’t know why why is it always you idk but you make me feel things rhat are so uncontrollable. and so when you leave, hell always breaks loose with me. you mean so much to me youre worth so much to me there’s so much time in this workd to prove that but i can’t because i’m never allowed to. i feel like there’s always one focus but i just want the bigger picture to be seen i want everyrhinf to be showed. what we have i don’t think can be found somewhere else but i’m sure you think otherwise and that saddens me because i do my best to be better jusy for you just for this one person. to prove myself to one person out of all of the billions of people on this earth because nobody else none of those other billions of people could ever ever be you. i haven’t made a post strictly about you because i’ve been scared you’ll see it and know it’s me and i hope you don’t read this because i just need to let it out and if you do please pretend you did not read this because if you have been posting which i’m sure if you’re on here u have, i haven’t read any of yours because i’m sure you wouldn’t want me to. and if you responded to this i will svream becwuse i just needed to talk. to continue hoping thwt you aren’t reading this i just didn’t wanna play games anymore i don’t want to play games. i didn’t want all of the friends the on and offs like one day i was worth it and the next i wasn’t f****** up my head and u saying things but confusing me with what you were doing, i didn’t want it all to be my fault either because i loved you and i stuck around for months tryinf to prove myself to you for it to go down the drain like it was nothing once again, like i was nothing. it’s all getting to me it’s all in my head right now trying to understand you but what if i just wanna be understood what if i j want u to sit down and speak to me for once like i mean something. idk IDK IDK i’m j i’m j feeling very overwhelmed i’m upset i’m getting angry at everything at mtself at life at the situations at the world. i just wanna go to sleep. i hope this isn’t how it ends because i don’t think it is. i hope u get to add me again i hope i get to talk to u again i hope we get to watch freakin predators on you tube get caught i hope we get to go out and listen to music in the car i hope we get to go to my house and scroll on tiktok for two hours enjoying each other’s company, i hope we get to facetime each other every chance we get again, i hope i get to find you again i hope i get to love you again i hope you let me love you