it hasn’t even been a full day yet and i’m having such a hard time holding up with all of this happening. i already know how i’m gonna handle things and i’m doing my best to be patient right now. i’m sad and upset, tired but it’s going to be worth it. i’ve been asking people for advice and i think this is what should be done as well. i just need to give it a few and learn more about myself, feel the things i’ve made others feel, and work on changing that. i think i’m doing pretty good for it not even being a full day yet. i’ve felt different energy with myself and i feel better about it, i feel happier with myself even though i’m hurting. i don’t feel selfish, i feel like a good person, i feel like i’m open to change, to time, to criticism. i’m different right now. it’s weird but it feels right to take this time to do it for myself and always you. throughout the day i get a lot of random feelings and thoughts and letting them out has helped me. i’ve never wanted to let anything out in so long. i’m finally feeling happier and smiling through it all. change is good for me. this morning i felt like a mess but as the day goes on it gets better. hopefully i can have a better morning tomorrow and keep working on it. as good as i feel with myself, i feel good because i’m finally hurting hurting and realizing the s*** i put people through. i’m seeing reality and having a different eye on things. i have to do things im not the best at but i’m learning. i always do my best to put myself in others shoes but not as much as i am right now. i hope in the end this can be worth it for her and i. i’m better with hr. i like talking about my day here. i let it out and feel like i’m talking to someone. i haven’t spoke about how my days are in a long time so maybe i’ll be back tonight if more happens. i didn’t really do much today. just been listening to music and having random urges to clean everything. i’ve been having a hard time eating for a while and i’ve lost weight and i can see it in my legs. it makes me insecure but i’m not where i can be to make that change, i don’t have the motivation for it nor do i care as much but sometimes pretty girls come on my fyp and i hope to look like them. school starts soon i forgot its literally this week and i had so many books to read but i couldn’t. that’s my day so far
