There’s no better feeling than to see that someone genuinely cares, for real. See it. It could be anything. I’ve said it before, recently, within the past decade, I remember losing my grip pulling something heavy on a slippery surface and falling back hard right onto my back. I know it looked like a hard fall, but it wasnt a big deal, it didnt hurt me at all, but out of the corner of my eye, far off in the distance I saw this girl who I had gotten to know over about a year she was about 27, I was late 30’s, I see her starting to bolt towards me. She was far away. She had my trust right there as soon as I saw that. Same girl, I remember her standing there in front of me, we’re standing there, shes about 2 ft in front of me i think we were listening to someone talk to the group, this other guy who I had no problem with, he’s a good dude, sweeps in there right beside her and stands there touching her arm with his. They were really close, hes leaning into her, they’re touching arms. She immediately spins around in the direction away from him, does a 180, comes back to me and stands beside me, touching me at my arm, leaning into me the same way he was to her 🙂 Its like, yeah… she was long term relationship with a guy, they’re married now, it wasn’t like that, but yeah.
Thats the quickest way to my heart. You have me.
Thats nothing unusual. My entire life. MY ENTIRE LIFE. So so many women, I cant even count them all, some are more important, usually old is gold, especially if it really is gold anyway, some are far more important to me, and I think I deserve it too. What I feel and put out there isgenuine. I might seem to be elusive or careless, thoughtless at times, but I remember, it’s real, its not in vain or wrong on their part to feel the way they for me. I am blessed that way. My heart would be broken if they didn’t.
The only times things don’t feel right to me is when things get contaminated by one person in particular who I actually regret ever even meeting. Being under her cloud, I feel like a bag of garbage not worthy of anything, but when I get away from it, I usually meet one or 2 new ones and within 6 months I’m feeling like “I can’t believe how she and that clour actually drags me down to point where I believe I am such a worthless piece of shit and so unworthy of anything, Im a bad person, when clearly, according to how well liked I am away from that cloud, being genuine like I am, I’m the same guy I have always been…” it’s that cloud and I can always feel it creeping in. I never see it, it comes from nowhere, I just feel the negativity energy of it and then evetually I see it or someone tells me its there. Sometimes I dont see it until after I’m gone. Something happens, I think back and It dawns on me “I cant believe I didnt see it”. Usually when it’s happeing I feel it something makes me think “could it be? ” I always brush it off as “naaaahhh no way… not again… not with that” Im not paranoid but I wouldn’t be wrong to be.