I Don’t know whats been going on with me. I am a very happy person but when I get upset it like destorys me. I can’t tell what i actually look like and considering im not a twig its probably not nice. My brain has been telling me to eat 1 thing and a light snack a day but before it was worse. id maybe only eat a snack a day, but then the corona started and im stuck at home with my moms bitchy boyfriend who decides to try and fight me while acting like hes the higher power. My mom doesn’t even f****** love him shes just using him for his money, because if he wasnt here we wouldn’t be able to support ourselves. I told my mom 2 years ago when we were moving to make sure we moved into a place where we could support ourselves if that ever happens and i was yelled at and s***. But yet here we are, His kidney functions on 11% so idk why i even let the s*** he says get into my head sometimes. He thinks my mom is so in love with him and will stay by his side no matter what, but my mom has already made a point of telling me that hes getting kciked out after this corona s*** blow over. Ontop of that my cousin moved in with us cause she was stuck in a bad situation. I dont mind her living here because we used to be really close with her until my mom and my aunt got into a fight. Anyways, my moms boyfriend wants to be the person who saves her so ba, he doesn’t even know her and hes saying how much he loves her and shes like family to him. He tries to relate to her situation but making s*** up, which if your anything thats not dumb you should know that relating to people with another situation thats not even half as bad is stupid. Anyways, My mom has been letting me have a glass of wine every now and then which is nice considering the last time i drank with people was at my friends birthday and it was a blast. I cant drink alone anymore it upsets me cause i would drink a lot while dating my ex who stll views my insta stories.
Speaking of which. Almsot like 2 months ago a unfriended this girl that i knew for like 4,5 years because she would always be like i miss you so much omg we have to hang soon. n then she’d go back to her boyfriends house and i’d get basically ignored. She couldn’t do anything wihtout him let alone make time for someone shes known for f***** 4 years. iDK. that and she got a whole bunch of people mad at me for some reason lmao. her sister went all “just unblock her on snap its not that hard” and said other s*** so did this other girl who ive know for a few years. they were all mad at me and that week when they said all that s*** to me i was on the f****** edge. like if i would’ve been left alone and if it continued i wouldn’t be here writing this. that was the first time i cried at school and probably the last because next year is my last year and im switching to be with crackheads.
My life is so f****** difficult sometimes but ive gotten into the habit of writing about my days in a book. Sometimes i still get upset over my ex and thats 1000000% okay because i know i dont give a f*** about him anymore but something inside me still does and giving things other than my mind time to heal is somethingi need to work on. Anyways, took me a month and a half of a relationship to figure out that i dont fukcing wanna be in one. I mean the whole oncept of someone being protective over you and having to put trust into each other is really something i hate. Like i wanna go out an have fun and if you can’t trust me or f*** if im talking to another guy and your getting all jeaous like f*** off man just cause im dating you doesn’t mean your going to be the only guy in my f****** life. god i strongly dislike men sometimes. Also my chem mark is at 36 and i need to find a way to cheat on a test tomorrow….
My life will get better and so will yours! I am proud of you!
-A