I was eating with mom . Everything was normal. I set up the table for lunch i was feeling fine . I put the food on my plate and as soon as i started eating for some reason i lost appetite. I really did try to eat but i couldn’t keep putting that food in my mouth . I felt disgusted . So i got up . Went to the kitchen, put all the food that was in my plate in to the waste bin and i washed the plate .

I went and found some milo powder in one of the kitchen cupboards. I ate a spoon hoping that the chocolate in the milo would make me feel better.
And as i was going towards my room i told mum im tired and i dont want to be disturbed.
I told her im gonna take a nap. Truth is , im not sleepy . And im not a person who leaves her food just like that. Mom was calling out from the dining space asking me if i wont eat anything else. But i ignored and locked my self in my room .

This isnt normal . This isnt me. By the time i walked in my room i didnt really know why i was so messed up . I was feeling confused . I wasnt sad i was just confused.

So i texted my boyfriend and my friend i told them what happened on separate chats. and i told my boyfriend i need a hug and i miss him . He replied to me by saying , “ dont disturb me “ and my friend viewed my text and she didnt say anything . She kinda seenzoned me .
I was confused before , but now im sad .
I just need some one to hear me out. I just need some one listen to how i feel.
Right now i feel sad , neglected, unloved and horrible.
On a normal day this isnt me . I advocate for spreading positive vibes , self love and being strong .
But today i dont feel strong . I feel sad . Really really sad . I feel like no one gives a s*** if im around or not . Probably my moms the only one who cares .
And the boyfriend, im hoping to get loved from a person who doesnt treat me right . My mental health is so messed up cause of this guy and i cant seem to get my self away from him .
I feel like im just messed up as a human .