Sometimes I randomly get very scared that no one will ever love me deeply because I’m too scared to open up to anyone fully. I can’t even open up to family members especially my mom, dad, and sister because they’ve all hurt me deeply in the past. Then I start thinking about how much relief death would bring me. I’m not suicidal but if I got robbed and they shot me in the head a piece of my soul would thank them.
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Attachment trauma and abandonment issues, yeah I’ve got the same problem. There’s a book that’s helping me called Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker. It’s hard work but it helps. All the best for your future.