What do I need?

Ok here’s the deal. There is you and I. We go way back. Only you and I really know, too. Thats a fact. I believe you know what’s going on with me now. That bothered me at first, but I think it also eats you up watching it but I am not sure if it bothers you to see it an know it, maybe you’re worried? Maybe you are Phil Collins singing In The Air Tonight to me (even though I don’t know what I ever did to get that) but one thing is sure, no matter how hard you are on me, you are really really hard on me in life and my head, it’s rooted in the fact that you care and you love me at some level. How can you not? given what we had and how can I not wish you would not have hurt me so badly, and wishing we were good because I could use a friend, because I just need you and someone like you in my life. I need your smarts and what you know, and I would accept you kicking my a** to keep me on the straight and narrow as a friend.

But I won’t accept distance either. If you are just going to stand back like some entity watching, I don’t need that. Maybe yyou can advise me different ways I don’t know or am unaware I can do things that won’t hurt me further, that kind of thing. I run the risk of sounding needy by saying this I also need someone to lean on. That’s risky for you too, I know, but I wouldn’t be too needy. I would probably leave it to you to just step in and let me when you can or thnk I need it rather than me ask for it or demand it. I might need a hug every once in a while, while I try to clean up this mess I guess is what I’m saying