I have a wonderful normal family-I know how lucky I am. Today I’m frustrated.
Bent over backwards trying to make a bday special with every curveball possible thrown my way. It was ridiculous. NOTHING WENT RIGHT.
Hubby is sick as he often is because he doesn’t take care of himself and PERCEIVES himself as sick. I know the law of attractions draws more sickness to him because of the way he sais “i’m getting sick” all the time. Studies show simply BELIEVING you got a good night sleep makes you perform on tests as if you have. Dude has been complaining about being tired all 15 years of our marriage despite the f****** cpap and nasal surgery. ITS CAUSE YOU ARE DEPRESSED STUPID! I’ve f****** told you that and you continue to be selfish and let it affect our kids and me because you can’t stand the idea of medication or counseling. I’m sick of seeing you drudge through your responsibilities and sometimes take pride in getting s*** done despite how you feel when how you feel is ALL IN YOUR OWN CONTROL. F***! We have s** like only 6 times a year because of this crap. I know I don’t manage my health the best either but I know I’m more functional. Keep making fun of me for believing I don’t often get sick and I get adequate sleep on 5-7 hours a night dude. At least I’m POSITIVE and FUNCTIONAL.
Knowing how hard NORMAL life seems for this family, I planned the most BASIC holiday memory possible. Visit the Christmas ships 3 blocks from our home for an hour, get some free cider, cookies and cocoa, snap a photo and go home. EVEN THAT was too hard for these people. Birthday kid through a tantrum because she didn’t do her homework in advance like she should have, knowing we had this plan. Hubby made me “defend my happy” the whole night. Through a tantrum like a little b**** again when I simply said “I wished we’d communicated better about that”. Takes EVERYTHING PERSONALLY. I finally said IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK-you just take it that way. It’s about a communication dynamic we need to work on.
Yes, I appreciated that he went to the store to get what we needed but had he checked the fridge before we left or CALLED ME I could have told him that we already have chicken nuggets, pizza and one kid doesn’t like the candy canes. WE ARE ON A TIGHT BUDGET because of the constant emotional eating self medication. He just blew it this month.
Yes, you get a pass because you were tired but you don’t get a pass for not f****** taking care of your depression and being tired all the time and making me defend good moods in this house.
Aaaargh.
To his credit, this is the guy who is uber patient with my massive ADD and chatty personality. Not easy living with me.