I would never want to make a woman from my past, like say for example, while I knew her and long after, I absolutely believed we had something strong based on us and what we had, what only her and I knew what we had. I absolutely believed and because I believed I held on and fought to damn near edge insanity. I fought up to the point where I had literally had it, I felt like I was breaking down (and I’m strong) I was getting up in the middle of the night to piss, losing my balance to the point that I thought. I went and talked to someone about how Im thinking of checking myself in. It was that bad. They talked me out of it, talked some sense into me and gave me some advice, which I took and it helped me a lot. I really got a grip and turned a lot around in my life. Including letting her go. Not only did I forget her I was g******* angry at the lack of care out of her. Not entitled to it I know, but I believed so strongly, I guess I thought I was so right, I had to accept that I was wrong. She fooled the s*** out of me. I could not believe how strong she was about ignoring me for that long, I was so sure. Could not believe it. It had to be for a good reason.

I accepted it, not sure what, but whatever it was won. On top of a bunch of other nasty s***

It would have been nice I guess if she had just left. Just disappear like she wanted to, and left it so she could come back even later in life I suppose. Mind you I had to be beaten off her by other people with her help, and that might not have happened either. Who knows how long if I hadn’t snapped. I had to be brought there.

I got over it and believe me, a lot of really bad s*** has crossed my mind as to why. A lot. It could be anything, but without a doubt, it’s a doozie. I still believe it had to be a good one. Probably many. A whole big pile of crap I could never accept even if I tried.

Right, so I guess what I’m getting one of those reasons could be she was over me and starting something new before she ghosted me. While I continued to hang on for a decade. If she did something like got pregnant early after for the reason she ghosted me, the way I see it, she sacrificed what we had with that. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some shrub like me, is not worth or equal to her kid.

That doesn’t mean I think she should have had an abortion. It would be wrong to imply someone should regret a child. Thats a tough one because it is one of those things at the time, not that I ever had a choice with anything to do with her, but yeah, my vote would have been get a f****** abortion…. You and me are f****** dead right now if you don’t but it’s easier to say that then then 10 years after with the kid here longer than we knew each other

But in 2019, we were sacrificed for it. There’s no way around that. It’s a tough one like I said, I can’t even be mad. Me or your kid! Yeah right….

It also principle too though. I’m pissed off that I wasted all that time actually believing and where the f*** was she? Thanks b****. That’s my fault yeah, and I paid for it, but I blame her too.