Sometimes I think about doing heavy drugs.
I’m 18 and in college right now. A lot of Not Great(tm) things have happened in my life, so I go to the free therapy my college offers (and it’s like legit, like it’s off campus and the place I go to also takes in actual, paying patients. They just also take broke a** college kids who can’t afford it). But sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough. I try to stay positive and to feel better, but I feel out of it all the time. Even on my good days, I still feel the bad lurking in me and it’s frustrating.
I used to smoke weed, and part of me wants to start again. But I’m a little afraid I’ll want to go further. Like, I’ve been thinking a lot about taking pills or doing heroin and I’m not even 100% sure where I would find that kind of s***, but I know a few people who might be able to help me. I know drugs are bad (m’kay) but a part of me just? doesn’t care?? I feel like s*** all the time anyways and I honestly don’t see me living to 25-30. Another part of me knows this is only me wanting a break, to just feel some sort a relief from my depression and that I will feel the relief if I just keep going to therapy and keep trying to get better. But f*** man. Some days I just can’t get it out of my head.
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Please, please don’t start heavy drugs. I’m a 29 year old F and I was prescribed oxycodone by my oncologist. I had an aggressive form of pre cancer. Anyhow, after six months I was addicted. It makes you feel good, but miserable when you don’t have it. I wish I would have never started it if I knew how addicting it is.
I’m begging you, please stay off of any drugs, especially opioids. Everytime I have a problem now, I’ll pop an oxycodone. Sometimes it’s all I think about when I don’t have them.
Please stay in counseling and try to find something productive to do with your time that will distract you from the hurt. I’ve been through a lot of pain, too. I’d be willing to talk to you. I’ll listen as long as you want to talk. Why do you feel badly all the time and feel like you won’t live to 25-30?
I already know you have a great future ahead of you- you are in college! When you think about it, very few make it there. What is your major? I am really interested to talk to you.