This is a high school story. We went on a trip to Washington D.C. in my junior year, by bus. We stayed at this Best Western hotel, four girls to a room. I slept with this one girl and the other two girls were in the other bed. Groping started, first the other two girls and then us, mostly upstairs but also downstairs, and f********. I ended up sleeping completely naked, fingered and kissed. When we got back to school we paired off as an item. We made a swear to stay away from boys, forever. We went out to this pond and at sunset we stood there and held hands and swore our lives together. We are still together, but we are not high school kids anymore, we are grown women in our thirties, never having dated a boy or a guy, still swearing our lives together. I am the wife if you want to think about it like that, she works for a law firm and makes way more than I do, she is the bread earner. She would die and disown me if she thought for a minute that sometimes I ask myself what it would be like to be with a guy, just once to know what it is? She definitely will never be with a guy, but then she is dominant and I am passive. If it wasn’t because this feeling comes over me all the time I would ignore it. I think of dying and having never known the experience of what I was born for.