There’s this guy that I met almost exactly a year ago. He’s a really great guy. We’ve been out a few times (in fact we kind of have a meet cute story) but I moved overseas. We made some plans to meet back up when I would get back in a year and a half. He never really posts on or looks at social media but I see things he gets tagged in from time to time.

He joined a band. I’ve picked up some Russian. He’s growing out his beard. I’m growing out my hair. We both got glasses.

It’s not like I expect him to be single when I get back. I mean, he is really a great guy and I still have 10 months to go. But I still have been hoping that he would be. I’ve written way too many songs about him. Every time I post on social media, I kind of hope he will see it. He’s crossed my mind nearly every day.

But that all slowed down. I knew that he probably doesn’t think of me at all and that I might not ever see him again. It was fun to entertain the thought of someone I created him to be in my mind for songs, but I knew that wasn’t the real him. I didn’t think about him so much, and when I did I knew that it wasn’t really him that I was missing.

Then he checked my stupid instagram. Almost a year later and he is stuck in my head again because he checked my stupid instagram. He didn’t even like anything, he just looked at my story. Now I’m 10 months away just hoping it could come sooner. I want to see his band play. I want to go dancing again. I want to go kickboxing, even though it’s just a stupid thing we joked about. But I’m sure the person who I think he is is nowhere close to who he actually is anymore. I know that it’s completely irrational. I want to blame it on culture shock, it’s easier than blaming it on myself. Honestly I don’t even know if he has a girlfriend or if he’s talking to anyone. I just don’t know what to do with these feelings.